Running In Circles
by Archaic Tears
Summary: The 1st fic I ever posted on here. Completely REVISED. Typical angst ridden Kagome pondering her uselessness.
1. Default Chapter

Running in Circles **Disclaimer:** They are MINE! C'mon you know I don't own them. So why bother asking. 

**A/N:** I wrote this a VERY long time ago. Actually for those of you who were around when I first arrived you probably recognize this piece somewhat. This happens to be the 1st fic I ever posted on here. It, to describe in one word, sucked, and most likely still does. So, immediately after posting, about a week, I deleted it off the net. There were errors a child wouldn't even make. So anyways, it's been collecting dust sitting in my hard drive so I decided to give it another chance before scrapping it for good. It's just a short piece. I highly doubt there will be a continuation. I just want to see if my skills as a writer have improved at all. Do let me know as I am posting the original as the 2nd part of this fic so you may see for yourselves the monstrosity I had set loose on the net. It won't be up long though because as I sit here reading it I already want to delete it. I REALLY hate it, but I wanted to see how far I've come so I tried to fix it up. **Eeeww**, I really don't like it.   
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**Running In Circles**   
  


She was tired of arguing with him. It only got her upset. Why was he always so cruel to her, why was he so blind to her feelings for him. Didn't he know how much it hurt her for him to say the things he did. Well, it didn't matter now. She was determined to leave this place, to never look back. 

_ ' It's better this way'_ she thought. _'I only get in the way, what use am I to him other than his jewel detector. I'm sure the others will be much better off if I wasn't such a burden.'_   
  
"WHERE DID SHE RUN OFF TO NOW!" Inu Yasha didn't like it when Kagome took it upon herself to disappear at the most inconvenient times. Shippo wished Kagome hadn't left, but he knew who was solely to blame for it. 

"She left you insensitive jerk!!" 

"What do you mean she.. left!?" 

"Like you heard hanyou! It's YOUR FAULT you know!! If you weren't so mean to her all the time she wouldn't cry so much!" As quickly as the words escaped him a small hand clamped tightly to his mouth. "Oops." 

"I.. I made her cry?" 

Feeling slightly braver as he watched Inu Yasha sink into his thoughts the little kitsune continued his bantering. 

"Yea, that's right. All you ever do is say how useless she is and you're always calling her those names. You're such a jackass. You don't deserve her. She'd be better off with the monk, and another thing.. ulp." 

The tiny cub could say no more as the half demon before him gripped him by the collar, his eyes bordering on crazed. By the look of pleasure he seemed to be getting by watching the little fox squirm. 

"You were saying." 

The child seemed to grow smaller as Inu Yasha bore into him with the eyes of a madman. 

"Gulp* no.. nothing" 

"Damn where could she have gone to? How could I be so stupid?" 

" I ask myself that everyday." 

**BONK!**

"What did ya' do THAT FOR!" 

_'I didn't mean to hurt her, but she shouldn't run off like that, she might get hurt. Doesn't she know how much I.. Whoa, where did that thought come from? I have to find her.'_

"Hey, dog-boy. What are you still standing there for? Aren't you gonna go find her, HEY are you listening!!" 

"Shut Up already I'm not deaf!!" 

Then what are you waiting for? 

**BONK!!**

"Damnit, QUIT THAT!!" 

(Deeper in the forest near a clearing)__

_ 'I feel so tired. My whole body is aching, feels like I've been walking for hours. When did it get so dark? Maybe I should've stayed near the river. I don't know where I am now. It's getting so cold. Should've brought my bag. Heh, look at me I'm a wreck. All because I'm in love with someone who so obviously doesn't love me back. Why do I torture myself like this. Oh, Kagome. When will you learn that he'll never love a copy, a fake, some reincarnation of his real love. Why am I so blind?_' 

Seeing was becoming a bit of a problem as hot angry tears began to cloud her vision, but still she walked on oblivious to her surroundings only wanting to become as lost in this forest as she was lost in herself. Taking a glimpse of her surroundings she noted that the river was coming into view. Only it was not as quiet as before. Breathing in the sweet smell of fresh water she continued on finally having a goal in mind.__

_ 'Sounds so near. Maybe I can return to the camp from there. What am I thinking, why would I go back, for what?! So he can tell me what an ugly wretch of a girl I am, so he can tell me again that my only purpose is to help find his precious shards! NO!!! I won't go back, never again, I refuse to let him hurt me anymore!'_

Her face had become a mask of quiet anger. Pain, frustration, self-loathing, this is what she felt but could never show. She was supposed to be the calm of the storm not its fury, and now this was the end result. A look of resolution now masked the once quiet calm of the young girls face.__

_ 'No, I won't go back, but maybe the river can lead me somewhere else. Maybe it will lead me somewhere where I won't hurt anymore, a place where I can finally escape this never ending pain. I always try to hide it with a smile, or ignore his constant abuse of my emotions with a barrage of sits, but it doesn't help anymore, I can't hide this pain anymore. I just want to get away..'_   


"Her scent, a few hours old, shit, it's growing fainter. I have to hurry it's getting dark. With her eyesight she might walk into a tree or something. Stupid girl, why did you have to run off like that? Don't you know I never mean what I say?" 

A chill ran up and down his spine setting him on edge. He knew that feeling too well. 

"Something's wrong. Kagome what trouble have you gotten yourself into now." 

His heart began beating so hard against his chest he felt it would have left him if his ribs weren't holding it there. "Girl, don't do anything stupid. I don't know what I'd do if you were to get hurt. Please hang on..I'm coming just please..." 

(Water rushing in foreground. Kagome watches as a branch is smashed violently against rocks leading downriver) 

_**'*Shiver**, It's so cold out here. Inu Yasha would have a fit if he saw me out here._ "You're of no use to me if you're sick," he would say,_ hehe..yea, that's exactly what he'd tell me. Well, he won't have to worry about useless ol' me for much longer. After I'm gone he can become a full-blooded demon and forget he ever met me. Yea, I'm sure he'd want that. Well, no point in thinking about that anymore. it's time to just ..let go.'_   


(Looking closely one could swear seeing a pink blur swish through the air diving into the stream) 

" KAGOME, KAGOME, oh gods. Please, wake up..." 

He was completely out of breath swimming against the current to get onto dry land usually would've been easy, but his burden insisted on being pulled into the river until finally it went limp beneath his hold. 

"Stupid girl, why would you do something like that, what the hell were you thinking?! Oh gods, she's turning blue! Her hands are like ice..her skin..so cold.. Why won't she wake up? Damn you, don't you know I can't live without you! DON"T LEAVE ME!!!! _Not again_" 

He began breathing into her mouth not knowing why. Only feeling he must in order for her to survive. 

**_ *coughcough*_**

Silence as her once lifeless form begins to take in all that has happened. Her eyes fill with surprise then sadness, then suddenly anger at being pulled out. 

"WHY!! Why did you rescue me! I wanted to be lost, why did you have to find me? WHY!" 

"What the hell are you saying, what, you wanted to die! I won't have it. I won't let you give up like that!" 

"Why do you care what happens to me, oh, I forgot your precious shards right! WELL, answer ME!! 

A knot had formed in his chest. He couldn't really describe the feeling. He only knew that her words had pierced him much deeper than any sword could ever inflict. For her words had stabbed his soul. A part of him he thought lost. 

"Is that what you think, that I just have you around for those shards. The HELL with the shards! Don't you know that if something were to happen to you that I...I.." 

"I'm nothing to you I'm just some useless shard finder, a copy of someone I can never amount to be. I'll never reach your expectations of me. Like you've pointed out before I'm just some weak pathetic human remember!" 

'Does she know how wrong that is. Does she have a clue as to how much I..no, of course not you baka because you've never told her. _So tell her now idiot._ I can't. She doesn't feel the same for me. _How would you know?_ _She just tried jumping off a cliff because of you. You always hurt her yet you claim you.. _I never said I did. _You do, so why deny it. No matter how much you try to hide it. I know because I'm you..so tell her..'_

Her piercing gray eyes look up at him with a look of such grief and sense of loss that at first he didn't recognize the normally cheerful energetic girl. Did what he says truly hurt her so much? 

"Kagome, listen..I'm ..uuhh..I'm, I...your'e what..." 

Her eyes were starting to glaze over again. A deep sadness seemed to overshadow her small form. 

"Please don't cry..I'm sorry..ok..I'm sorry." 

"You're sorry you say!? You hurt me so much. Do you have any idea of what it's like to be constantly put down and sneered upon simply because I'm an easy target for your abuse, simply because I won't say anything back!? I care for you Inu Yasha I admit that freely now. I refuse to lie to myself any longer. Constantly denying my feelings simply for your convenience. I won't do it anymore. So I ask you this now. Do you feel anything for me, anything at all?" 

The tears wouldn't stop flowing. Her heart ached with a pain deeper than that of loss. It was a pain caused by the many months of hiding her emotions and anger. The betrayal she felt when she witnessed his feelings for the walking corpse whom everyone felt she resembled. It was not her business if he chose to be with the dead, his past, but what hurt more was that she was here in soul and flesh. Yet he chose the past over the present. He chose Kikyou over her. 

"Please don't cry. I don't mean what I say. You're not just some shard finder you're more to me than that, and you're not some copy. Kagome I'd die without you don't you know that??" 

"Gee, I couldn't tell." Her sarcastic tone did not go unnoticed.   


"Kagome, what can I do to prove to you that my words are true?" 

She looked up at him then. Her eyes had grown cold and distant. The warmth that was always ever present had drained completely from her leaving only a pale cold reflection of what she once was. In fact at that very moment she was the mirror copy of a woman she longed to understand. A woman she loathed yet envied because of the life and love she held but would rather destroy. Seeing Kagome like this sent his mind reeling. 

"Take me home." It was not a plea it was an order.   
  
"Kagome I.." 

"You still don't understand do you? You think you can trample all over me one minute and apologize the next? No Inu Yasha. Please no. I can't do this anymore. I need time to think, and being around you is a constant reminder of what I wanted to do. So please."   


He had done it. He had actually destroyed something he had long ago vowed to protect, and this time the demon that had done it was him and no other. 

"Hai, Kagome." He stole another glance at her but found that the icy mask had still bee in place. The only sign of feeling was the frustration and confusion evident in her eyes. So without another word he led her back to the well. 

_ 'I don't know what to think anymore. I'm so confused. I am nothing but a coward though. What was I thinking? Jumping off a ledge and for what? I'm so stupid. He's right about that, but it would have been so much easier that way. No more worries, no more pain… STOP IT Kagome. This line of thinking got you nowhere the first time. Once I get home I'll be able to think. Then maybe..Just maybe..'_   


~Fin~   
  


A/N: Listen, I wrote this back when I only had a vague notion of what the series was about. I had only heard rumors and read small stories throughout the net. So I know that this is horribly done. Flame away. I now know what the entire storyline is like, and looking at this I feel like smacking myself. I must say though, it definitely reads better than my first try. See chapter 2 for proof of that. For those who remember that sad pathetic thing I called a fic, laugh away. Go on. I know you want to ^_-   



	2. The original piece posted back in Decemb...

Crap part 2 This my fellow authors is the work of an author gone mad..No, it's not it's just the most putrid pile of crap I've ever written..I'll take it down in a few days..but I want to hear your thoughts before I do ^_-. Sides I think the Revised one is MUCH better..But I still despise it because of what I know now.. Oh well..Let me know what I should do.. Because I'm all for scrapping it.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


disclaimer...don't own inu yasha..wish i did..but i don't..*sigh..so don't sue..i'm poor and couldn't give you a dime even if you were to sue me..so there   
  


She was tired of arguing with him..it only got her upset..why was he always so cruel to her,why was he so blind to her feelings for him ..didn't he know how much it hurt her for him to say the things he did.Well, it didn't matter now,she was determined to leave this place, to never look back..it would be better this way..she thought..the jewel was almost complete,surely they could easily find the remaining few shards.All she did was get in the way anyways,she was a mere burden to the group,only good for finding shards..so she had been told so many times before.   
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WHERE DID SHE RUN OFF TO NOW!!! She left you insensitive jerk..why you little..come ere' and take yer' beating like a good little demon...*Bonk*..ooww,why'd you do that for..it's your fault she left.ME!!what did i say..you jack-ass your'e always calling her those names..she was bound to leave sooner or later.Now, because of you she's gone!! Feh*Damn where could she have gone to..how could i be so stupid...i didn't mean to hurt her..she shouldn't run off like that,she might get hurt..doesn't she know how much i..woah..where did that thought come from...i have to find her..Hey dog-boy..what are you still standing there for..aren't you gonna go find her,HEY are you listening!! Shut Up already im not deaf.Then what are you waitng for..*bonk*..OUCH!!   
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So tired..my whole body is aching..it feels like i've been running for hours.When did it get so dark maybe i shouldv'e stayed near the river..I don't know where I am now..it's getting so cold..shouldv'e brought my bag,ha, look at me i'm an emotional wreck..all because i'm in love with someone who so painfully obviously doesn't love me back..why do i torture myself like this..oh kagome..when will you learn that he'll never love a copy a fake ..some reincarnation of his real love..why am I so blind..(her eyes starts to burn as tears go unchecked down her weary face).I hear water, it sounds near ..maybe i can return to the camp from there.What am i thinking,why would i go back, for what so he can tell me what an ugly wretch of a girl I am..so he can tell me again that my only usefullness is to help find his precious shards..NO!!! I won't go back,never again,I refuse to let him hurt me anymore(her face is streaming with tears of anger and hurt..her eyes glaze over with the intense feelings inside her,as tears yet unshed threaten to fall). No, I won't go back..but maybe the river can lead me somewhere else..maybe it will lead me somewhere where I won't hurt anymore..a place where I can finally escape this torture..this pain..it hurts so much. I always try to hide it with a smile,or ignore his constant abuse of my emotions with a barrage of sits..but it doesn't help anymore,I can't hid this pain anymore..i just want to get away..   
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Her scent..a few hours old...kuso, it's growing fainter. I have to hurry, it's getting dark. With her eye sight she might walk into a tree or something..stupid girl..why did you have to run off like that.(an icy chill runs up his spine causing him to momentarily lose his footing on a tree limb). Somethings wrong..Kagome what trouble have you gotten yourself into now..(heart begins to pound so hard he fears it might burst through his chest)..girl don't do anything stupid..I don't know what i'd do if you were to get hurt.Kagome hang on..Please hang on..I'm coming just please.....   
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(water rushing in foreground..kagome watches as a branch is smashed violently against rocks leading downriver)   
*shiver...It's so cold out here..Inu yasha would have a fit if he saw me out here..your'e no use to me if your'e sick, he would say..hehe..yea, that's exactly what he'd tell me.Well, he won't have to worry about useless ol' me for much longer.After i'm gone he can become a full blooded demon and forget he ever met me.Yea,i'm sure he'd want that..well, no point in thinking about that anymore..it's time to just ..let go..   
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( looking closely one could swear seeing a pink blur swish through the air diving into the stream..)   
KAGOME..KAGOME..oh gods..please wake up...(he was completely out of breath swimming against the current to get onto dry land usually wouldv'e been easy, but his burden insisted on being pulled into the river until finally it finally went limp beneath his hold)..stupoid girl..why would you do something like that,what the hell were you thinking..oh gods..shes turning blue..her hands are like ice..her skin..so cold..why won't she wake up..damn you..I can't live without you DON"T LEAVE ME!!!!(he begins breathing into her mouth not knowing why..only feeling he must in order for her to survive..)*cough..cough*...(silence as her once lifeless form begins to take in all that has happened..her eyes fill with surprise then sadness ,then suddenly anger at being pulled out). WHY!!..why did you rescue me.What the hell are you saying..what, you wanted to die..I won't have it..I won't let you give up like that.Why do you care what happens to me..oh, I forgot your precious shards right..WELL!!(a look of pain crosses his face for an instant..one soon covered by anger) Is that what you think ..that I just have you around for those shards..the HELL with the shards don't you know that if something were to happen to you that I...I....But im nothing to you im just some useless shard finder, a copy of someone I can never even hope to try and be..I'll never reach your expectations of me..like youv'e pointed out before i'm just some weak senseless human remember..does she know how wrong that is..does she have a clue as to how much I..no of course not you baka because youv'e never told her..so tell her now idiot..I can't..she doesn't feel the same for me..how would you know..she just tried jumping off a cliff because of you..you always hurt her yet you claim you..i never said i did ..but you do..no matter how much you try to hide it..i know because i'm you..so tell her..   
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(her piercing gray eyes look up at him with a look of such profound sadness that at first he didn't recognize the normally cheerfull energetic girl..did what he say truly hurt her so bad..)   
Kagome..listen..i'm ..uuhh..i'm I...your'e what...(her eyes were starting to glaze over again..sadness ebbed deeply within her piercing gray orbs)..please don't cry..i'm sorry..ok..im sorry.You hurt me so much..do you have any idea how much my heart is hurting right now..(the tightness in her chest causes her to reveal the overwhelming emotions she had been hiding for so long behind the mask of smiles she always wore..) Please don't cry..i don't mean what i say your'e not just some shard finder your'e more to me than that..and your'e not some copy..Kagome i'd die without you don't you know that??Well it's hard to tell with all the nice things you always have to say about me(smiles sarcastically between tears), I don't mean them..you know i don't..maybe..but i need some time and space..i need to go home Inu yasha..i need to think..those eyes..i get lost so easily in those eyes..it's almost like she has some hold on me when she stares at me with those eyes..when she's mad their like a raging storm..i wonder if she knows that...you fool look at what youv'e done now...now she wants to go home..she might leave and not come back..no, i can't let her..but the look in her eyes tell me if i don't i'll surely lose her...do something you moron..but what? Kagome..(her face was one of conflicting emotions..she didn't know what to think..one minute he was cruel and heartless the next ..he was...kind and comforting)..hop on..i'll take you to the well..(it would take a couple of days beacause they had been traveling so long but..maybe she would forgive him by then..maybe he could tell her what he'd meant to tell her so many times before..maybe..just maybe). Your'e taking me back?!(she was surprised normally he would go nuts..but he was actually willing to take her back..did she miss something here)..that's what you want isn't it..yes but..so come on besides your drenched and you might get sick er' something..last thing i need is everyone telling me how insensitive i am for letting you travel in this condition...besides you look like you could use a rest till your ready to go back plus shippo is worried about you..and the others should be back by now..(she sighed inwardly..she was still mad at him..but he was right she was exhausted..and maybe just maybe.. 


End file.
